I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
