WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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