he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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