They should really pass out barf bags in church
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
