Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Randomize
