Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
