wat bout pragnant strippers??
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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