Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
