if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
