@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
