bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
