i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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