I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
