6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
