I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize
