just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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