True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
