Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
