let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
