why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
