I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
