Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
