I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
