Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
