you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
