Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
