I cockslap morals
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
