1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
