as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
