You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
