how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
