She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
They took my balls.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
