my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
