That's intense
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
