I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
