I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
