I'm laying in your front yard are you home
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
