It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
