dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
