is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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