I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
