I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
