I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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