TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
