Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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