is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
