He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
