so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
