I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
