Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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