Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
