OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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