I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
