Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
a search helicopter?!
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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